


In Which There is Awkward Sex

by anemptymargin



Category: Hot Fuzz (2007)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-16
Updated: 2010-08-16
Packaged: 2017-10-11 03:18:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/107764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/pseuds/anemptymargin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Much as the title would suggest, Nicholas and Danny actually go for it… though a bit awkwardly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which There is Awkward Sex

**Author's Note:**

> For the schmoop_bingo free space. I had to write some pseudo-fluffy awkward smut. Honest. My muse was holding me hostage for smut and Jaffa cakes.

The bed creaked slightly as Danny shouldered off his dressing gown and slipped under the duvet beside his Nicholas. "So, ehm... I suppose this is it then?"

Nicholas swallowed hard, setting down his book as the blanket pooled around his thighs. He looked at Danny briefly, and then looked away - his cheeks flushed pink from the brief eye contact. "We, uh... we don't have to do anything, you know. There really isn't a rush." He smoothed his palms down his covered thighs, reconsidering the whole thing. "Maybe tonight just isn't the night..."

"Aww, c'mon Nicholas." Danny sighed, lying back against the pillows he'd brought just to make himself a special part of Nicholas' bed. "Not like we've never done it before."

"Well... we haven't." Nicholas sighed again, "Not together. On my part, not individually."

Danny shook his head. "Not like I've ever done this!" He reached out hesitantly, letting his palm rest on the small of Nicholas' bare back, prepared for him to pull away. "Just got to give it a go, you know? First time never works out great…"

"I'm just saying that we don't have to, maybe we should wait a while or have another beer or something."

Danny exhaled slowly, then licked his lips and pushed himself up to sit side by side, looping his arm around Nicholas' thin waist. "Don't be nervous; we can do this."

"I'm not nervous!" Nicholas grimaced, closing his eyes as he felt himself leaning up against the warm softness of his partner almost instinctively. "I just don't understand why we have to do it now…"

"Why not now?"

"I don't know, maybe it's too soon." Nicholas sighed, "We've only been… companions… a few months."

"A few, as in fourteen?" Danny set his palm on Nicholas' thigh and squeezed gently, letting his fingers linger on the warm skin. It wasn't the first time they had tried, and while he'd never admit to it there was a part of him that was worried they weren't really meant to be doing what they were, and getting past uncomfortable kisses had been just a fluke. "It's not about time. I just, I think we're ready for this… if you don't want to, I guess I understand."

"No." Nicholas slowly let his hand rest on top of his companion's. "I want to… I…" He sighed again, feigning a smile as he managed to look Danny in the face. "I don't even know where to start - it's always been sort of automatic." He blushed again, powering through the urge to just get up and leave. "Maybe just go slowly… I suppose."

"Doesn't go slower than full stop." Danny laughed slightly, clipping it when Nicholas didn't join his amusement. "I'll go first if you like; maybe work you up a bit?"

Nicholas chuckled softly then, shaking his head as he was once more able to look Danny in the eyes. "That's without a doubt the least attractive thing I have ever heard in bed."

Danny shrugged, then smiled and playfully pushed Nicholas with his shoulder. "I'm being serious!"

"I know, I know…" Nicholas pushed back, almost knocking him over. "It's just that the whole thing is so silly."

With a wide grin, Danny grabbed his pillow and bapped Nicholas across the face, happy to at least see him relaxing a bit. "Sex is silly, you ever seen a willy close up before?" He laughed, laying out on his back and kicking off the duvet. Before Nicholas could register what was happening, let alone stop him, he grasped his own cock - tugging it gently to make it seem a little more impressive. "I mean, just look at it."

Nicholas laughed again, the nervousness seeming mostly gone. "Danny…"

"I mean it." He stroked down his member once more, holding his thumb against the underside as it stiffened slightly under his familiar touch. "Just look at it, all lumpy and wrinkly… and they never do what you want them to."

Nicholas nodded, managing to stifle his laughter after allowing himself to look. "I don't know, not so bad." He turned to fully face his partner, nervously touching Danny's bare thigh with his fingertips. "At least they all work pretty much the same."

"Lady parts should come with an instruction manual." Danny sighed, pushing himself closer to Nicholas - the man's slender fingers briefly brushing his foreskin.

"Yeah." Nicholas smiled, but moved his hand back to Danny's thigh - stroking over the soft flesh. "I just never really thought about… us. Here." He sighed, "Not that I never thought about the… you know…"

"Fucking." Danny offered.

"Well, not the word I would choose, but I never really thought about… getting there."

Danny murmured under his breath, a slight blush usually reserved for too much cider creeping into his cheeks at the admission, at least he hadn't been alone. "So, um… when you're thinking, what happens?"

Nicholas licked his lower lip, shifting his gaze to Danny's hand stroking himself, slowly but deliberately. In a way he really couldn't figure out it made him feel more comfortable… and a bit excited himself. "Just… you know…" Never in his life had he had such a difficult time answering relatively simple questions.

Taking the lead, Danny opened up. "Usually it's a bit tender, you know? Maybe some kissin' and all that. Sometimes you're on top of me and I can see your face all squished up when you're gettin' close." He panted softly, realizing he's managed to tease himself fully hard with the image. "And you say that you love me."

Having given up all pretense of not being completely embarrassed, Nicholas' face flushed bright pink as he placed his palm on top of Danny's - slowing his gentle stroke. "I do, you know." He spoke even more softly, rolling his tongue over his lower lip and somehow managing to look him in the face. "I'm not very good at this, am I?"

Danny continued, not at all fazed. "Sometimes when I'm doin' it I imagine that you're really randy, or maybe you're angry at something." He moaned softly, pulling his hand away to place it on top of Nicholas', guiding his fingers around the shaft. "And you got me pinned from behind, hard and fast - just pounding me into a wall…"

Nicholas let out a dry groan, swallowing the lump rising in his throat as Danny removed his guiding hand - leaving him to awkwardly fumble with the hardness. He'd definitely had that thought before. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Danny moaned, his toes curling in the long forgotten duvet they'd been negotiating under.

Tightening his fingers, focusing on the task in hand, Nicholas let his mind wander onto his own brief moments of fantasy, not entirely sure what he was supposed to say let alone how to go about it. "You're on your knees, under my desk." He whispered, speeding up his pace.

"Naughty…" Danny groaned, his thick thighs trembling as he dug back against the mattress.

"It's late at night, we're alone." He closed his eyes, twisting his wrist with each quick stroke. "I can't hardly move because you're just driving me mad with your mouth…"

Danny whimpered low in his throat, his hand groping blindly and then settling on digging into Nicholas' hard thigh. "Christ Nicholas… don't stop…"

"I… I can't help it, you know - I'm so close and you keep going…" Nicholas let out a soft groan, opening his eyes to see Danny's hips twitch as he thrust up hard into his palm.  
"Christ… fucking… bloody… fuck…" Danny moaned loudly in the open room, rocking his hips hard against the sensation as he came over the top of Nicholas' hand - not exactly expecting to go off quite so easily.

"Sort of like that…" Nicholas felt himself grinning like an idiot, actually quite proud of his accomplishment.

"Down. Now." Danny panted, managing to sit up with some amount of effort - pushing Nicholas to the mattress before straddling his narrow hips.

Nicholas fumbled for anything to wipe his hand off on, quickly caving and begrudgingly wiping it on the sheets. "What're you doing?"

"Fuck if I know…" Danny shook his head, licking his lips as he bent in close, gently kissing his partner. "Do you love me?" He panted softly against Nicholas' mouth, feeling their faces almost too close.

"Of course." Nicholas licked his lips, locking eyes for a brief moment before Danny pushed himself downward, kissing against his abdomen and across his thighs.

Danny smiled to himself; he'd never really been face to face with anyone's willy before. Once more, he gently kissed Nicholas' thighs - gathering his wits a bit. "First time for everything." He muttered to himself, leaning on his elbows. It occurred to him the whole thing really would be really absurd… were it not Nicholas.

Swallowing hard, Nicholas parted his thighs - reeling from the combination of lust and abject fear. Danny's touches were soft, almost maddening as he pressed his face closer in his lap - the flesh pushing against his cheek. "Christ, Danny…" He whispered, letting his eyes close against the sensations. "Please…"

Danny nodded slightly to himself. He'd run it through his mind so many times but actually faced with it everything went kind of blank. "Think porno…" he whispered, holding back the urge to laugh. Nervous, he took one hand from his lover's hip and wrapped it around his cock, gently tugging the foreskin before lapping the exposed tip.

Nicholas groaned, lifting his hips to encourage the gentle lick even further, rewarded with the lick of Danny's tongue from base to tip and back again. "Good…" He murmured, both palms finding his pillow and digging in.

"Like a bit of lolly…" Danny chuckled, letting his fingers stroke over Nicholas' hardness with each gentle lick. Nicholas only responded with a dry chuckle, followed with a moan as Danny took the full length into his warm, wet mouth.

At last, a sensation he was familiar with, the warm pressure and throb as Danny's tongue explored the unfamiliar flesh. "Danny…" He groaned, digging his fingers into the down pillow as tight as he could. It had been quite some time, and he knew it likely wouldn't last long. "Sure you haven't done this before?"

Danny grinned, a swallow drawing another soft moan from his lover before pulling off a brief moment for breath. "I've seen a lot of porno." He looked up at Nicholas with an even wider grin, his fingers sliding easily over the wet flesh. "Harder than it looks, though. I mean, not easy or nothing."

He was close, far too close to fully register the conversation. Nodding back against the bed, he arched his hips into Danny's teasing strokes. "Don't stop… please…"

"Oh, right…." Danny let slip a nervous chuckle as he let the hard cock nuzzle back between his lips. Feeling just a bit bolder, he began to bob his head, lapping hard with each push.

Suddenly Nicholas let out a high pitched whine, "No… fuck… teeth!"

Danny quickly corrected the problem, folding his lips back over his teeth before pushing himself to go faster. Nicholas rebounded rather fast; almost growling under his breath as he instinctively began to thrust up into the warm wetness.

Danny wasn't really thinking about what he was doing, and for once he realized it was working out all right. He pulled back a little more as Nicholas' thrusts became erratic - pushing uncomfortably against the back of his throat. Forcing back the urge to slow and hold back the gagging sensation he slid both palms around to grip Nicholas' tight ass.

With a low moan, Nicholas thrust hard as he could, forcing his cock hard and deep as his body clenched and let go. The orgasm hit him much harder than he had expected, locking his knees and making the room spin slightly. "Christ… fuck… god…" He groaned low and loud, still holding his eyes tightly closed as he felt the bed rise. It occurred to him briefly that Danny had gotten out of bed, but he didn't quite realize why until he heard the unmistakable sound of retching and running water. "Christ, Danny." He muttered, pushing up on his elbows as he caught his breath. After a few long moments, Danny slowly walked back into the bedroom, wiping his face with a tea towel before tossing it to Nicholas. "That bad?" Nicholas grimaced, wiping his fingers on the damp cloth and then over his length.

"Not really." Danny shook his head, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You sick up?"

Danny shrugged, letting out a nervous laugh. "Weren't you though, well… not on purpose anyway. Kind of tickled the back of my throat a bit."

The burn of a blush colored Nicholas' cheeks again, a bit unexpected all things considered. "Sorry, I… I've never been good at controlling that."

"No worries, then." Danny grinned, lying back on the mattress. Slowly, he rolled up onto his side to face his lover. "Guess we just need a bit of practice."

Nicholas chuckled and nodded, finding himself unable to stifle a grin as Danny reached over and gently rubbed his chest. "Lots of practice."

***END***

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fictional parody in no way intended to infringe upon the rights of any individual or corporate entity. Any and all characters or celebrity personae belong to their rightful owners. Absolutely no money has or will be gained from this work. Please do not publicly link, repost or redistribute without letting me know first.


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